PH - Patricia Haines, HHC - Harry H Corbett, WB Wilfred Brambell, RS - Richard Shaw.

WB:"Listen to me Harold, I know what I'm talking about. This bird, 
she lives in a posh house, she's not a bit of old brass. Have you 
stopped to ask yourself why a bird like that should fancy a load of old 
tat like you?"
HHC:"That's a nice thing to say about your own son init, a load of old 
tat. Well I'm polished on with my bird"
WB:"No, uyou know what I mean, she's got the pick of the land why 
bother with you"
HHC:"She fancies me that's all. yeah and she fancied me for myself 
and it made no difference to her me being a rag and bone man"
WB:"You great berk, she fancies you because you are a rag and 
bone man"
HHC:"What's that supposed to mean"
WB:"She don't fancy you for yourself. She fancies you because you 
are common. Oh look, you've a lot to learn. If you think anything is 
gonna come out of this, your gonna be hurt. She won't want to know 
you in the morning, she's had her bit of fun. She's been amusing 
herself with you, can't you see that?"
HHC:"Well I've been having a bit of a giggle myself"
WB:"Ahh. it goes deeper than that with you, don't it. I know you. 
You've been waiting for something like this to happen. You've given 
up trying to get out of this business on your own steam. You're hoping 
for some rich woman to come and take you out of this, well they 
won't. I don't want to see you hurt Harold. I've seen it all before. 
They're all the same these rich birds. The old man goes away for the 
day, they're bored. They've tried everything, they're jaded, they're 
looking for something exciting. So they have a dabble with a bit of 
rough"
HHC:"Don't keep calling me a bit of rough"
WB:"That's what it is isn't it. That's what it is. You're a play thing. 
Can't you see that, a new toy"
HHC:"It's not like that at all. She respected me. We just didn't sit there 
snogging away for seven hours. We chatted, we talked about a lot 
of... About books and politics, culture. oh yes, I taught her a few 
things she didn't know. Politically niaive she was. I sorted her out 
there. Another couple of visits she's have the old vote labour posters 
up in the window.
WB:"Got ger knocked out by you have. Cor blimey, you don't half 
think a lot of yourself don't ya. Full of yourself ain't ya. Now listen to 
me mate, listen carefully to this. this is the voice of experience talking."
HHC:"Ohh"
WB:"When i was better looking than you are"
HHC:"Naturally, you were taller as well were'nt you"
WB:"No I wasn't taller than you. I was wiry with it. And I've still got 
more bleeding hair than you have. Anyway I was a bit of a goer on the 
quiet, you didn't know that did you?"
HHC:"Oh yes, I've seen that photo of you in the straw hat and the 
oxford bags, very sexy. Standing beside the charabanc with one foot 
on a crate of brown ale, very dashing"
WB:"I was very dashing. Even though I say it myself, I was a fine 
figure of a man. I haven't always been old, I had nme moments. Didn't 
start with you ya know. You listening?"
HHC:"I'm all agog. I can hardly wait."
WB:"Right then. This is the point. Birds like this one never left me 
alone. All the ladies was after me and there was more of them in those 
days. All those big squares in London. They was houses then, not 
bed sitters. With maids, butlers. I used to ring me old bell, ball out me 
cry and they was hanging out the windows they was. It's a 
occupational hazzard, rich birds."
HHC:"I see. All these young guards officers in their blues. They're all 
honurable Fitzsteptoes, is that what your trying to say?"
WB:"No I'm not, don't you be vulgar. I'm only trying to open your eyes. 
Nothing like this has ever come across you before. It happened to me 
every day. it happened to all the lads, you just gotta take it in your 
stride. Bird on the round fancies you, right, fair enough part of the 
business. Don't let it go to your head, don't hang around. Move in, 
move on, move out. There's always another house next door."
HHC:"You've always had a nasty tendency to caution everything, 
haven't you. You've been living amongst junk for so long, you can't 
recognise anything beautiful anymore. This isn't a case of move in, 
move on, move out as far as Dorothea is concerned. Now listen Dad, 
I've been waiting a long time for something like this to happen to me. 
Please, don't try to degrade it.
WB:"So your going to see her again"
HHC:"Yeah, I'm going round tomorrow morning. I'm taking some of my 
books round there, we're going to discuss them"
WB:"Your not going out on the round?"
HHC:"No, I'm afraid not, I'm afraid you'll have to make other 
arrangements Dad. I'm not saying that this is going to be the end of 
Steptoe and Son, at least not yet, we'll just have to wait and see, but 
if Dorothea and I find that we have the basis for a durable union we 
may decide to shack up together, but that's all in the future"
WB:"Harold listen to me"
HHC:"Now listen, Dad, please we're both grown up people. We know 
what we're doing. We went into this with our eyes wide open. We 
know we may be starting something we may not be able to contol, but 
that's the way it's got to be. I think Dorothea expressed perfectly 
when she said How, in this day of atomic uncertainty, we must grab 
our happiness where we can find it.
WB:"Oh oor blimey"
HHC:"It what the Franch call, it a Liaison Dangerux. But then lifes like 
that, it's total war Dad and you could go along with it. And it's started 
this morning, on our doorstep, the dyke has been breached Dad and 
all the talking in the world can't stop that deluge of passion it opened 
up"
WB:"At ten past four when her old man gets back home"
HHC:"Alright, so she is married, so now you know but to mock her, 
she ain't seen him for five years"
WB:"She told you that did she?"
HHC:"He was a brute and a bully, they have nothing in common. It 
was all a big mistake, she was young, she didn't know what she was 
doing. Would you deny her a chance at happiness?"
WB:"What, what with you, you're joking"
HHC:"What?"
WB:"Let me take you out of all this my darling and come and live with 
me down in my junkyard? She's spun you a right yarn ain't she,. I ain't 
heard such a load of old codswollop in all my life. You walk in tha 
place tomorrow, you'll come shooting out the front dooe with all your 
books after you. She probably won't even recognise you"
HHC:"We shall see, we shall see"

PH:"Oh not today thank you"
HHC:"Dorothea, Dorothea, it's me Harold. I bought some books 
Dorothea"
RS:"You heard what the lady said, go on hop it. You don't want to 
queer the pitch, keep it going hey"
HHC:"But I was here yesterday"
RS:"Well then, don't be greedy"
